| Does Your Child Have a Social Learning Problem? | | | | even more awkward and anxious. Look for signs that |
| Most parents know that the prevalence of learning | | | | your child becomes excessively anxious around peers. |
| disabilities is skyrocketing. Including other | | | | As parents, we often try to coach kids "just to be |
| neurodevelopmental syndromes like ADHD, autism, | | | | themselves," but this is a tall order when a child is |
| and Asperger's syndrome, learning disabilities have | | | | self-conscious about every word or mannerism. |
| unfortunately become commonplace in the lives of | | | | Conversely, sometimes a child is so "out of tune" |
| our children, and by extension,our families. | | | | with how he or she "comes off" that there's not |
| When most of us think of learning, we naturally think | | | | enough "self-consciousness," or self- regulation (see |
| of the kinds of learning that occurs in school. The | | | | #3). |
| most widely discussed learning disability is dyslexia - | | | | 3. Frequently Missed Social Cues - The technical term |
| and justifiably so. Reading is the foundation for many | | | | for this problem is a pragmatic (practical) |
| other types of life learning, and most of could agree | | | | communication deficit. Elements of pragmatic |
| that reading skills are essential. Hopefully, other kinds | | | | communication are discussed in depth in Boys of Few |
| of learning challenges, equally important to a | | | | Words because so many kids struggle with skills like |
| successful life, will soon gain greater recognition and | | | | accurately "reading" gestures and facial expressions. |
| intervention. | | | | When you see your child misinterpret the body |
| Specifically, let's look at social learning problems, which | | | | language of a peer, react out of all reasonable |
| include the realm of nonverbal learning disorders. | | | | proportion to the remark of another, or fail to notice |
| Social learning plays a critical role in helping children | | | | obvious nonverbal cues, you are probably seeing a |
| manage fundamental milestones such as forming | | | | need for better pragmatic communication skills. |
| friendships, making a positive impression on others | | | | 4. Difficulty Sustaining Conversation - Being able to |
| and learning to read nonverbal communication - "body | | | | maintain a flow of conversation appropriate to one's |
| language." Because these learning skills may not | | | | age is a basic social necessity. A child may be very |
| directly affect academic performance they are often | | | | smart but still at a loss for words. Such a problem is |
| seen as less "urgent" than dyslexia or a math | | | | heightened by social anxiety - which may stem from |
| disability - but don't believe it. | | | | the very problem of being a poor communicator! This |
| Social learning is every bit as important to healthy | | | | relationship highlights the reciprocal influence of |
| development as learning to read or do fractions. In | | | | communication and self- confidence. Gaining |
| chapter seven of my book, Boys of Few Words, I | | | | expressive skills improves confidence and |
| discuss new research which identifies an important | | | | self-esteem. |
| link between dyslexia and social learning skills. It turns | | | | 5. Complaints that "Nobody Likes Me" - Because |
| out that phonological awareness - the ability to hear | | | | having friends is so fundamental to a child's well-being, |
| and discriminate word sounds - is a common problem | | | | it is normal for kids to be concerned about whether |
| among socially challenged kids. In addition, can you | | | | they have "enough" friends. Bear in mind that while |
| imagine how much less social knowledge you might | | | | your child's complaints may indeed reflect a problem, |
| have if you weren't a reader? | | | | children and adolescents with social learning difficulties |
| Helping social learning problems can be complex | | | | often assume the worst, or exaggerate their social |
| because their effects are often pervasive. Children | | | | failures. We shouldn't diminish the emotional impact of |
| with social learning problems need assistance at home | | | | having too few friends, but sometimes a little |
| and school. Families that are most successful in | | | | "fact-checking" with a child's teacher can help gauge |
| helping a child overcome social learning problems | | | | the seriousness of the problem. |
| collaborate carefully with schools. It is very powerful | | | | If you have concerns about your own child's social |
| for a child to see that significant adults in her or his | | | | development, or are wondering if he or she has a |
| life are "on the same page." If your child is the | | | | non-verbal learning disability, please don't wait to seek |
| beneficiary of an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP), | | | | assistance. Children with social learning problems are |
| make sure that social learning challenges are | | | | more likely to feel isolated, bully or be bullied, and |
| addressed within the plan. | | | | suffer from low self-esteem. Talk to your child's |
| Five leading indicators of a social learning problem: | | | | school psychologist or guidance counselor, or get a |
| 1. Limited Friendships - As you might expect, children | | | | referral to a clinical psychologist who works with |
| with social learning problems tend to have fewer | | | | children to get a thorough evaluation. A social skills |
| friends, or tend to quickly "go through" friends as | | | | group may be particularly helpful to give your child a |
| they alienate peers in succession. They may complain | | | | safe place practice social interaction in a supportive |
| about the situation, or in some cases, may try to | | | | atmosphere. To find one, check with local |
| conceal their hurt by diverting their focus toward | | | | psychologists, community and religious organizations, |
| more solitary pursuits. | | | | or your child's school. A good social skills group will |
| 2. Excessive Self-Consciousness - Having a social | | | | have a skilled mediator, clearly established goals, and |
| learning problem is difficult enough, yet for some | | | | provide social learning in a fun and interactive way. |
| children, their awareness of the challenge makes life | | | | |