How to Discipline Your Child If They Have ADHD

Knowing how to discipline your child when they haveto the wedding.
ADHD involves setting priorities for ruleThe wedding occurred prior to starting my son on
followingSetting priorities when making rules ismedication. Before my youngest son was started on
essential because not all rules are equally important.Vyvanse his sensory integration issues, oppositional
The important rules need extra attention and thedefiance issues, and exerting his independence issues
unimportant rules need to be ignored. I recentlywere in full flower. At that time he would only wear
learned of a study that was done on children lookingcertain clothing. His daily costume consisted of one
at what rules children consistently obeyed. Thisstyle of Nike sports pants and one style of shiny
findings of this study confirmed what I knew to benylon sports shirts. He had such issues with clothing
true about disciplining children with ADHD. Thethat I would search high and low on eBay for the
researchers looked at four types of rule following.exact style Nike sports pants and shiny sports shirts
The four categories that the researchers looked atto buys so that I did not have to battle with him
were:about his clothes.
1. Safety Rules (Put on your helmet when you areOne month prior to the wedding, the wedding wear
skateboarding).arrived in the mail and, the Basket 'B' negotiations
2. Moral Rules (Do not steal from your brother's piggybegun. He took one look at the shorts and shirts and
bank).said. "I am not wearing that." I explained to him that
3. Social Convention Rules (Do not pick your nose inweddings were important; I explained to him that he
public).loved his uncle and soon to be aunt, I explained to
4. Personal Preference Rules (Do not play with thathim that all his male cousins would be wearing the
boy that curses)same thing. None of these arguments persuaded him
The conclusion of the study was that children havein the least bit.
the most difficulty obeying the personal preferenceI asked him to make a suggestion for a compromise.
rules. The researchers concluded that all the otherHe said he could not think of anything that would
rules made sense to these children but that mostmake this better. This is a common problem with
children feel that the personal preference rules werechildren with ADHD. They have a lack of the internal
none of the rule makers business.language necessary to problem solve and need extra
These findings, while not necessarily comforting tohelp in finding solutions to problems that they are
parents (parents would like ALL their rules to behaving.
followed), make intuitive sense to all of us. We allAfter a month of negotiations we came to the
resent bosses or authority figures who over controlagreement that he had two choices.
us Children with ADHD, especially those who are at all1. Not go to the wedding and we would hire a baby
oppositional or prone to explosive tantrums havesitter at the hotel to watch him during the ceremony.
huge problems with over controlling authority figures.2. Go to the wedding in the required clothing but it
Picking your battles and deciding what rules reallywas agreed that we would bring a change of clothes
matter is extremely important when parentingand as soon as the ceremony was over he would
children with ADHD.have permission to change into his Nike sports pants
In the book The Explosive Child: A New Approach forand shiny athletic shirt.
Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated,He chose the second option but never did change
Chronically Inflexible Children, Ross Greene asksinto his Nike pant and athletic shirt.
parents to separate rules into three categories. HeAll children, and especially children with ADHD, often
tells us to look at rules and put them in threefeel as though they have little control over how they
baskets:live their lives. Recognizing that not all rules are equally
Basket 'A' is for those rules that must be followed,important will allow you as a parent to:
end of discussion. Safety rules and Moral rules fall into1. Consistently but kindly enforce the rules for which
that category.there is no wiggle room. (Basket 'A').
Basket 'C' is for those rules that are really not that2. Negotiate the rules where a compromise can be
important and that you should expend no energyreached. (Basket 'B').
trying to get your ADHD child to comply with. An3. Forget completely and waste no energy on the
example of a personal preference rule that I haverules that are not important. (Basket 'C').
had to ignore at my house is, "Please do not wearHaving you and the ADHD child come to some
those torn up, dirty, sneakers to school".agreement and compromise regarding some rules will
Basket 'B' is for the rules that must be followed butnot be that difficult for you. We already use this
that requires some give and take on the part of theapproach when compromising on disagreements that
parent and child. The social convention rules are in thisyou may have with your co-workers, spouse,
category.neighbors and peers. We compromise with these
An example of a Basket 'B' negotiation thatfolks because we empathize with them and respect
happened at my house involved my Brother'sthem. Our children deserve to be treated with
wedding. My brother got married last year in Cancun.respect and empathy as well.
It was a beach wedding and my brother wanted theToday my young son wears the wedding Guajabera
boys to wear white Izod shorts and baby bluejust for kicks. He likes the way he looks in it. He
Guayaberas. Guayaberas are a traditional Caribbeaneven wears his brother's Guajabera if his is dirty.
Island shirt. My 8 year old son hates to dress up andWhat a long way we have come at my house. The
only has to do so on Christmas and Thanksgiving. Hemedication has helped tremendously but so have the
has khaki pants and a nylon dress shirt that he wears'baskets'. Hurray for Basket B!!
for these occasions and he wanted to just wear that